After a minor tiff, Joe Don tells his girlfriend Priscilla, “I don’t know how God could have made you so stupid yet so beautiful.” “I’d be tickled to explain,” says Priscilla. “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”
You’re the Butter on My Biscuit
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me making coffee: this going to fix everything.
Me drinking coffee: just give it a minute…
Me, after finishing coffee: why isn’t everything fixed. Solution…more coffee.
Germans take their day of rest very seriously. Shops are shut, people take leisurely walks and there will be absolutely no domestic drilling thank you very much. It is against the law to drill at any time on a Sunday. And it doesn’t stop with DIY either, take note that throwing away bottles in the recycling bins is also strictly forbidden outside certain hours - just check the containers.
In the same vein, Germans like their peace and quiet and it is STRENG VERBOTEN (strictly forbidden) to tune your piano at night.
Love me my German Sundays where no one has to feel bad about being a lazy piece of shit
My granddad once had a go at my mum for painting the fence on a Sunday :’)
When I was living in Hochheim my housemates used to spend all of Sunday tanning in the garden (or at least trying their best; this was in Germany in the spring) with a glass of wine at hand, moving as little as possible.
That’s truly inspiring
I work at a logistics company and my job is to find drivers to take freight from A to B. I work with the same trucking companies a lot, but sometimes I get one-off drivers. This is one of those.
A truck driver calls me asking about a load for the next morning coming out of Laredo TX going to Portland OR.
TD: What is rate?
Me: We can pay $3,500 on it
TD: How about $4,000?
Me: Sorry, customer is strict about the rate on this one. Has to be 35.
TD: Oh man, I need this. I need to get home to see my son and my wife is sick.
Me: Then we need 35 on it. Customer will not go higher.
The guy ends up taking it. If you think I’m being too hard on him, keep in mind there really isn’t a whole lot heading from TX>OR at any given time, so I could try to get him his rate but I’d risk losing the load to another driver. If he really needs to get back, why does he want to go back and forth negotiating on price and risk it?
The answer is because he’s full of shit.
The next morning I get a call from the customer saying that the facility that’s receiving the freight has been changed. It’s still going to be in Portland, just in a different place. Something like a 20-30 mile difference, tops. Should be a complete non-issue, considering the driver has just started a 2,200 mile journey, so it’s a drop in the bucket.
I call him back.
Me: Hey, just a heads up, receiver called to say that it’s going to deliver at a different address. It’s XXXX, Portland, OR
TD: Oh well, you can send me rate confirmation with little bit more money.
Me: … What do you mean?
TD: Agreement has changed, need to renegotiate.
Me: … seriously? It’s like a 20-30 miles difference from the original one.
TD: 20-30 miles is kind of long way to go.
Me: (humoring him) Okay what do you think you need for the new rate?
TD: Ehhh, $4,000 should do it.
OOOOOH REALLY? THE ORIGINAL RATE YOU WANTED HUH? WOW WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
Me: Are you serious?
TD: It’s only fair.
I put the driver on hold just to spite him for trying to handle me like that, and I start working on something else. Out of curiosity, I check the address for the original delivery facility compared to the new one. Turns out the new receiver is actually 25 miles closer to the shipper in Laredo. New travel distance is 2,175 miles. I pick his line back up.
Me: Hey we will change up the rate after all.
TD: (very excited) Okay, send to me the confirmation.
Me: Okay, we ran the miles and the new receiver is actually 25 miles closer to Laredo, so we’re going to need to reduce the rate to $3,000.
TD: Wha… what are you talking about??
Me: Well, we’re cutting 25 miles off the trip and it’s kind of a lot of miles to cut. It’s only fair, right?
TD: Ahhh, ah hah hah hah… ahhhh so, ah that's… yeah, so $3,500 still good?
Me: Of course it’s still good. I’m not going to change the rate by $500 because of a 25 miles difference. I’m not an asshole.
Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.
Benjamin Franklin
A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad
The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!”
One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?”
He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!”
Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?”
And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits”
And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.
I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long.
So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.”
Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
A good post, pure.
THIS IS MY AESTHETIC
me in English class: it’s lit(erature)
me, an english teacher in 2016: what does “lit” even mean?
my smartass 16-year-old student: it means “literature” miss.
🙄🙄🙄
me, an English teacher reading The Great Gatsby out loud, 2016: Turning a corner I saw that it was Gatsby’s house, lit from tower to cellar.
my smartass 16-year-old student: Wait. What does he mean by “lit from tower to cellar”?
me : *subscribes to german youtubers to familiarize self w/ german language and learn from hearing it*
me : *watches a video from a german youtuber*
german youtuber : “ hallo leute hkjsdhfjdbkfghfbjbejr und qhdsbjhbcdf hkdbef ehk fbeh oder hdkjjfenj geschrieben”
me : “okkkkaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy”
emrah: hi, hi hi hi hi and welcome, and welcome, hi!
ich: ….hä
As a child, I was told to run away from strange men if they approach me. Now I’m a man i feel i have to run away from strange children when they approach me -More Shower Thoughts Here!
bala5